thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
