So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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