well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
