I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
