i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
