I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
