Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
