when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
