last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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