saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
