piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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