I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
