Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
