how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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