the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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