She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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