I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She's the barista slut.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My vagina is officially offended.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
