Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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