You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
