Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
