How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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