No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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