I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize