I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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