I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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