these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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