Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im holly from the hills drunk
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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