I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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