I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
