we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
