Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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