Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
