Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
