areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
