What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
