she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
