dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
