when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
