You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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