Umm I'm too high to move.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
