She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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