so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
