I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
