I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
