Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just google imaged poop.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
