last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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