why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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