wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
