When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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