Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
