Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
