Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
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