Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
