Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
