My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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