You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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