Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
