those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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