I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
