yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
