at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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