Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
