the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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