I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
