ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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